Today I read a post on Facebook in Norwegian, without indication of authorship. I decided to make a translation, because there are people who cannot work out what elections in Norway are, but many newcomers have the right to vote. Including me, I have an invitation to take part in the elections. I offer my translation of a Norwegian article of humorous content. But as people say, “In every joke there is a share of joke.”
So… Elections 2019 “If you have not yet decided…”
If your parents and grandparents and your whole family of 43 generations voted for AP (the Labour Party), and you are an ordinary worker at an asbestos factory and against all corruption, and also against talkative heirs of millions who got their education at an elite French university and who, going around the laws, do not pay taxes — Vote for AP (the Labour Party)
If you are from Bærum (an elite district in Oslo), studied at BI (an elite educational institution that trains leaders of big business) and received as a gift for your 18th birthday a Porsche (a very cool little car) from papa and at the same time for your collection of Rolex watches paid a tax equal to all your property — vote for Høyre (the Right)
If you are concerned to preserve what is called “The Real Norwegian,” namely Taco on Fridays (Mexican food), Derrick (a popular German detective TV series), the American musical style country, and also clothes for making a grill (grilldresser) and you like to type in capital letters in Nettavisens (a Norwegian newspaper that is published only on the computer), and also think that the names Ali and Hassan are used for people who smell strange — vote for FrP! (Fremskrittspartiet)
If you live at a distance of 150 km from the nearest neighbour and are afraid of wolves that may eat your sheep, cow, wife, children, car, house, the local hospital and the neighbour who lives 150 km from you — vote for Senterpartiet!
If you are an adherent of satanic rituals, and also dancing, bass-guitar music and fornication, then vote for KrF! (the Christian Party)
If you are a vegan and think that wolves and terrorists are “misunderstood individuals” who should meet understanding, love, a Latte coffee and kind hugs — vote for SV!
If you have no opinion of your own and you often use such words as “possibly, impossible, by chance, OK” — vote for Venstre!
If you have an electric bicycle, eat an eco-carrot, think that batteries grow on trees and are sure that the state will build each household a hyperloop — vote for MDG!
If you want to become a vegan, spend most of your time in a beer bar, live on a kunstnerstipend (a stipend for distinguished artists in Norway) and think that life around and society are hostile toward you — vote for Rødt! (the Reds). Good elections to you!